


How he left me

by riariariaria_a



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi's pov, Bokuaka - Freeform, Boys Love - Freeform, Fanfiction, Haikyuu - Freeform, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, M/M, POV Akaashi Keiji, Sorry Not Sorry, THIS IS AKAASHI'S POV, To Be Continued, angst...i think, bokutoxakaashi, bxb - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:40:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27002131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riariariaria_a/pseuds/riariariaria_a
Summary: Leaving people was as easy as breathing for Akaashi Keiji, but ironically, he finds himself coming back to the one making him feel anything but ease.“Are you gonna leave me too?”“Probably.”“But I might change my mind.”
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 6





	How he left me

People. 

If I would to say what I hate the most I’d say I understood people more than I willingly want to.

Like looking at how strangers who are crossing the streets or having afternoon brunches, assuming a thing or two about them had been common nature for me. Though of course, I can never guess what everybody’s up to, but at least I can tell what kind of intentions those around me have.

It’s a shitty thing to know so well, I even get turned off easily.

As a child, I had always preferred to be left alone.

Well, there was a time where I really hated the guts of people.

Once, somebody kindly asked me to be their friend but that time I was so pissed I straight up told them to fuck off. I think it was during kindergarten. I know it was wrong but I don’t like dwelling with something that happened 13 years ago.

Now I’m kinda just going with everything, actually, I enjoy being alone; I’m not like those who’re chosen by the world to be by their own.

I guess people were afraid of me too, but whatever, more reason for them to leave me be. I don’t want to be stuck with people who’ll leave me for the rest of the world when things go to shit, anyway- that’s how everyone was.

I can’t do anything about it, that’s the way life’s been; strangers meet you; you learn their names, they learn yours; they’ll wave you hello; and then, in a blink of an eye, without you even noticing it, they already kissed you goodbye.

That’s what I’ve always believed, so I’ve started to grow interest in studying people from afar. It helped me differentiate assholes to closeted assholes who are not yet out; and those who have good intentions but still assholes.

I guess that’s what I get to say about myself; I grew up with a shitty mom who left me for some rich bastard with huge stocks but a tiny dick; I am a drop-out, actually, I never started high school because I had more problems to worry that time like having to work multiple jobs so I could get out of my mother’s scraps; I go out with people, learn their names, if I find them interesting, then sex, and then I’ll leave them like nothing happened, forget their names and move on.

It’s a shitty life, but that’s the way it’s always been.

And I am totally okay with the way it is.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have you ever had something so special? Something you aren’t willing to share with the rest of the world? Like your first car that you named after your second name or a piano you used to vent to when you were having a bad time or even someone- someone’s embrace that makes you forget about everything else.

Well, there’s this place.

I forgot what it’s called, but a little further down the empty street outside my apartment complex is an old park.

An old, empty, abandoned park; squeaky swings and rusty benches, plus the threatening aura created by the dead trees surrounding the place, it almost looks like something out of a horror film.

The special place I’m talking about isn’t a dead park, by the way.

Even being dead inside, I do not find comfort through such creepy places. It’s rather what’s beyond it.

Well, hidden through the enclosed forest of trees surrounding the park can be something so beautiful.

I think they call it a quarry.

A huge lake was covering below the surface with a height enough for an average person to survive a jump, but I’ve never thought about doing it, not even once. I’m not a fan of waters nor high places but it surely was somewhere I could be alone without being lonely.

It has become more of a home than the cramped room I’ve been living in for years. I never want to share it with anyone, no one.

I considered the place to be mine and mine only.

So why?

Why is there a random weirdo here shouting from the top of his lungs in the middle of the damn night?

“You, what are you doing?” 

Rather than asking in an irritating voice to implement how his presence annoys me, my tone was rather confused; on why he’s here and how’d he found this place.

Then there was silence as he stopped and turned to me.

And the look on his face was nothing like I expected.

There, under the illuminating moonlight stood an owner of such ethereal pair of gold eyes. 

Even in the slight darkness, I could see a smiling face. Yeah, he was definitely happy. He took me aback for a second that I almost thought he looked beautiful.

It was a long and uncomfortable silence. Just me staring at him with a plain look and him looking back with the same smile plastered below his gleaming eyes.

“I thought I asked you a question? What are you doing here?” I repeated, now actually sounding irritated.

“It’s-” I heard him speak in such a small voice that I almost thought he couldn’t speak.

“What?”

“It’s beautiful.” His smiling face turned away from me and back unto the lake beaming beneath our feet—It made me look too, it really was beautiful.

“Look, I’m not trying to be an asshole or anything but you are not supposed to be here.” I didn’t care if I sounded like the bad person, I am never sharing this place with anyone for a million years.

“Should I jump?” 

He asked as if that was such an easy question, it took me by surprise, honestly.

“Do whatever you want, but let me tell you this, it isn’t going to be a warm bath down there.”

I sat at where I usually do, lighting a cigarette. I guess it isn’t a bad idea to offer him some, he looked like he was my age, after all.

“No, thank you.” He sat at where he was currently standing, on one side, like 5 centimeters away from me, swinging his feet at the edge of the cliff.

“Be careful.” I warned in which he smiled at.

“You’re one happy kid,” I spoke my mind as I blew smoke to thin air, “Name?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s your name?”

“Oh, uhm, it’s Bokuto. Bokuto Koutarou.” Although stuttering, he didn’t seem like the nervous type.

“Does it mean something?”

“Yeah, like katana, a wooden one or something like that.”

He said a lot of words but he didn’t seem one of the talkative ones.

“How about you? What’s your name?”

“Akaashi.”

“That’s a pretty name. It means my favorite color.”

He said a compliment but he doesn’t seem one of the flirtatious ones either.

“Mhm.” 

Comfortable silence was all that’s left. I didn’t shoo him away any further.

I just let him sat there, until whatever’s on his mind isn’t there anymore, until his mind is too drawn to the scenery to think about anything else. 

I just let him sat there, until his heart finds peace, just like me.

Cause, I don’t think he’s one of those who stays and follow you around, which is a good thing.

Besides, it’s not that bad to receive company every once in a while.

So, I just let him sat there, until the night—our night, was over.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having to come home after past midnight is a very rare event for me.

Causes are mostly because pf my colleague, Iwaizumi’s late attendance to take over the nightshift at the convenience store I work at during weekdays, or because of my one-night stands.

Tonight though, Iwa-san is late and there’s this girl who keeps on hitting on me and wouldn’t let me go, I didn’t feel like entertaining her, she’s definitely one of those who easily catches feelings and those who feels led on just because of a one-time fuck.

I’ve dealt with those pain in the ass several times; some cried to me, got slapped twice, one even found my personal accounts. Anyways, they were annoying to deal with so I avoid them as much as possible.

Usually, an exhausted person would want to come home and get some proper sleep immediately, but even in the midst of night and dawn, I never not look forward to clearing my weary mind at the place I knew I always belonged to.

I found the quarry 2 months after moving to my apartment. I was actually very happy that time because it was the time where I was finally able to breathe after a decade of living under my mom’s scraps.

I found it after following someone, in the middle of the night.

He ran fast that I almost couldn’t keep up, and then he jumped freely and never looked back, like it was nothing.   
He jumped like he was contented and nothing else mattered.

I remember following to look at him landing and being one with the water.

I remember waiting for him to come back up.

He never did.

That was 2 years back but the memory is still vivid to me.

There wasn’t a time where I didn’t think and wondered about what had happened to make him decide to take away his own life like a simple snap of a finger, I wondered what happened next to him and to everything he left behind. 

Was he finally happy?

After finally escaping the grasp of that crazy lady with the help of Iwa-san, I make my way to the quarry.

Passing the dead park ran shivers down my spine. In the dead of night, who knows what’s hiding behind the rusty swings and lingering down the dirty slides? 

It was exceptionally cold that night so I began smoking to warm my nerves up.

I wonder if that Bokuto kid’s still there? I doubt he’s back though. His visit seemed like a one-time thing.

And I was right.

He wasn’t there and I was alone.

Am I supposed to feel disappointed?

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next day went on as usual.

I get up, grab my coffee that I froze overnight since I utterly despise hot coffee, and proceeded to my first shift at some fancy seafood resto-bar which I was lucky enough to get since it was the highest paying among all my jobs. It usually ends at 2 in the afternoon, 12, if I was bound with luck.

During the afternoon after that, I don’t really have anything going on owing to the fact that I recently quit from my job as pet sitter after having to pay loads because of the dog’s shitty ass fault. I just go home and rest until it was time for my 5-hour shift at the convenience store I’ve been working at for a year.

Today though, instead of resting, I decided to cool down at the quarry.

Though I prefer going here during night since the scenery during dusk really calms my soul in an unexplainable way, I guess it’s also fair to see it during day since I can see it in a much clearer sight.

During day, the shadow-like trees that surrounds the lakes becomes actual trees covered with bright green leaves; the noisy crickets that goes with the hoo-ing of an owl that’s far from my sight are replaced by chirping group of birds; and the thick clouds possess the sky like how starts do at night.

Peace engulfed me as usual. Just me and nature.

Until I hear a familiar sound of footsteps that I also make when I avoid stepping on the crunchy leaves scattered on the floor.

I turn around, having a clue on who it could be.

And I wasn’t wrong as my eyes met with a pair of the familiar gold ones that I already pictured in my head.

“Hello”

Now that I can clearly see his features more than I can at dark, he looks gentle.

His smile, it was the same as the one he wore the night before: bright and contagious and suffocating.

Like you wouldn’t understand if it was plastered there by force since he was too good at wearing it.

And without noticing it, I felt myself returning with an unconscious smile.

We’re sitting away from each other as usual and nothing more was said after his small greeting but it felt weirdly comfortable that it scares me.

“Bokuto, right?” Do you want a stick?”

I feel him turning to me even though I’m not facing him.

“Yes, and no, uhm..I can’t smoke.”

“Hmm? Don’t worry, I won’t tell daddy.”

He released a chuckle that made me glance at him for a second. I guess he found what I said funny.

“You... seem to like smoking a lot.”

“First time seeing a delinquent?” 

Another chuckle left his visibly pale lips. “No, you just look-“

“Young? I get that a lot- I’m actually 21.”

“Oh.”

I hear a sound of realization and quickly turned to look at him. “’Oh’ what?”

“I’m…older than you.”

A huge grin was there below his tired but gleaming eyes and, instead of getting shocked by the fact that he’s older, I feel my chest aching in a manner I was starting to familiarize with.

I quickly shrugged it off, blowing smoke to thin air and forcing myself to reply with a smile. “Why the surprise face? Do I look that old?”

“Ah no, not at all. You’re just... mature, is all.”

I smile at him, something I haven’t done for someone for a long time now.

It felt like hours when it’s only been a few minutes. I no longer feel tired and even thought of walking to work from here. 

It’s insane how the view and smoking alone can make me feel rested more than a thousand layer of pillows.

But I’d known for a damn fact that it isn’t because of how much coffee I drank this morning or the peaceful atmosphere, or even the cigarette between my fingers.

And I know.

I know for sure; it was because of him.

And I feel conflicted, moreover, I feel scared. I don’t want him to stay but I go insane if he’s not around, it feels distant yet we feel so close every passing second, he looks at me like he’ll forever be here but most of the time I feel like he’s got to go, and every time I had the urge to tell him to stay, it’s starting to feel like I won’t be able to do anything when he finally lets go.

I feel damn scared to be left alone all over again.

I hope he isn’t here tomorrow

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wish came true, surprisingly.

I came back the following night and he isn’t there anymore.

I don’t know what I should exactly feel but I wanted to feel grateful that I wouldn’t feel the dread I’ve been feeling every time we’re so close, or the throbbing pain I feel mixing on my insides every time he smile at me, but instead, I feel a strong feeling of fear panging me as if rubbing to my face that he isn’t here and for that reason I should be terrified.  
Come to think of it, besides his name and age, I don’t know anything else about him. Why was he here? How did he even find out about this place? What kind of family does he have? Why was he always happy when the world is clearly full of crap?

I wonder why I want to know, too.

It felt weird having these kinds of feelings from a stranger I’ve only encountered twice. I guess it was part of my bad habits.

I blew smoke to thin air, just like how I’ve been doing for- I don’t even know how long since I don’t even remember the reason I began smoking.

“Ah. Shit.”

Being interested in a person really sucks.

During the past 2 years I’ve been living my days not wanting to recall what the women I had in bed looked like, why can’t it just stay that way?

“Fuck, why am I thinking like I’m into him or something?”

“Into who?” 

I didn’t expect him to come, honestly. It has been almost an hour since I was here and I was sure he wasn’t going to show up but here he was, covered thrice the clothes I had.

“Oh, I didn’t expect you.”

Bokuto let out the familiar chuckle I’ve always been wanting to avoid, “Hmm? Was I not a part of this family?”

Raising a brow, I asked, “Family?”

“Yeah, you and this…place.” He took where he usually does.

“What part of that says family, Bokuto-san?”

He smiled again, along with the familiar nauseating feeling starting to swirl in my stomach, “Home. Every time I look at you…you look like you’re home.”

I smiled at what he said, I find it true. “Weirdo.”

“You…do you come here often.”

“What do you think?” I hid the genuine look I had on my face, “Every night for 2 years.”

Again, we talk our minds without our eyes ever meeting.

“What about you? How did you find this place?”

“By accident. It’s been a beautiful accident, if I were to be honest.”

I chucked lightly, “What makes you say that?”

“Because I finally found something I can truly miss.”

I didn’t entirely know how to respond, I didn’t know what he meant, after all.

And again, we were engulfed with the silence we both knew very well.

While minutes past without us exchanging words, I began to slowly feel myself get tired.

“By the way, Akaashi, are you into guys?”

My insides woke up with the sudden words, though I prefer not to show it.

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, you did mention being into ‘him’”

“You misheard me.” Besides leaving people, I am also very good at lying. Not that it’s something to be prod of or anything.

“Oh, is that so? Sorry for assuming.”

“Mm. What about you, Bokuto-san?” Do you prefer men or women?” It was the first in a while that I looked at him, he looks like he’s deep in his thoughts.

Then he looked at me, after a few seconds, smiling once again. “I’m not sure.”

I just smiled back, I guess he’s too dense to know how sexual identities work so I brushed it off.

We continued the silence we were in.

And once again, we sat, 5 centimeters apart, with nothing but our own presence—until our night was over.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Without noticing it, the once lonely but peaceful nights I learned to know was now invaded by his presence.

Every night, I walk towards the place, picturing Bokuto-san--sitting at his usual spot, feet swinging back and forth, eyes up unto the night sky and in his own peaceful world—in my mind.

And every night, we would talk for only a few seconds but it was becoming the highlights of my nights.

Yeah, it was nice having someone’s presence, after all.

Tonight, was like the other ones—me going off my final shift, recklessly riding my bike to the quarry to see him, and after that, I’d leave like nothing happened—like how I do to everybody else—the only difference is that I find myself still coming back every single time.

“Do you want a stick?” though already knowing the answer, it felt like a habit to ask him.

So, he left a chuckle, followed by the same response my ears had learned to know, “No, thank you, I don’t smoke.” 

Though the exchange of words were repetitive, we go through it every single, followed by the awakening silence, like it was on a damn routine we were meant to follow.

But the silence didn’t last long this time.

“You know… I want to know more about you.”

I look at him, unfazed, I try to stay away as much as possible cause looking at how things are, they didn’t seem to last long. I want to keep telling myself to not get attached and stick to how it is now—strangers dealing with life’s shits the same way and nothing more.

“Hmm? There’s really nothing interesting about me, I’m quite boring.”

“Well, I do find you really interesting.”

I look at him and he did the same.

I was taken aback but I didn’t show it, instead, I hid it with a smile then looked away.

“What do you want to know about me?”

“Uh, since you said you weren’t into guys, then, do you perhaps have a girlfriend?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, although it’s really dark, the love marks are really visible since you’re kinda pale.”

I left out a chuckle, he’s surprisingly saying lots today. “Did you just admit that you were observing me?”—that was a joke but he seemed to take it seriously.

“Um-I—no, uh.”

“I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Then—”

“One-night stands.” I look at him, to see how he’d react—would he be disgusted? Knowing how probably lots of people had had their hands on me?

He looked back.

But instead of facing the looks of regret, there before my eye was a smile so tender and an envious pair of eyes.

I was shocked and I didn’t have the time to hide it—I didn’t bother hiding it, I was confused for most part, I don’t understand a thing. Why is he looking at me like I was someone to be jealous of?

“W-wh—huh?”

I seemed to be more surprised than I thought, it’s been the first that I’ve stuttered.

He looked back at the sky but I kept looking at him. “I…wish I could do that.”

It was a few seconds before I processed what he said, is this guy serious? He’s not making sense at all. “Why?”

“Hmm?”

“Why are you being like this?”

Uh oh, this is bad.

“Like what?”

“You’re not okay, aren’t you?!”

My voice is starting to rise, everything I’ve been hoarding in my chest suddenly felt like it was about to come out. It doesn’t stop, I can’t stop myself.

“What do you mea—”

“You’re not happy, aren’t you?! So why do you keep on acting like you are?!”

Ah. This is shit. I’m saying too much, I hate it.

“What are you saying, Akaashi? I’m not pretending at all.”

“Quit shitting. Life’s full of crap and I don’t fucking get how you could smile through all—”

“I don’t know what you’ve been through, but life isn’t that much of a crap to me.”

Bokuto looks so calm—he isn’t even looking at me.

I fucking hate this, I hate myself—I meddled too much, I just wanna die.

”…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so annoying.”

He left another chuckle, I hate it. I hate everything about him. I want to get away, far from him, but every time my eyes don’t meet his, I lose my mind.

“Having sex with different people…isn’t as great as you think it is.”

“Is that so?”

“Yea, it’s not like we fall in love that easily after one fuck. Some people do and I get rid of them right away.”

“And why’s that?”

“Well, I don’t enjoy the concept of staying, I’m quite the asshole, you know.”

“So…are you going to leave me, too?”

Here it goes again. The panging pain in my chest and the nauseating feeling creeping up in my insides and all over my body. “Probably.”

I looked at him and he looked dead serious.

The words I wanted to say doesn’t match with what I blurted out. Yes, I do want him to stay, even if it means to feel uneasiness every time he’s around, even if it means we’re don’t have to move on from being like this. I just want him to stay, where I can see him. So I wouldn’t have to go crazy every time he isn’t around me.

“But I don’t know…I might change my mind.”

Even under the darkness of night I noticed his faint little smile.

I broke the growing silence by speaking my mind.

I don’t want to, but my mind seemed so distant from me that it won’t follow what I want.

“People..” I feel him looking at me, “People who lacks love often mistakes it for something stupid.”

“What do you mean?”

“it’s just that..my one night stands, most of them were like that, craving for love somewhere, anywhere, foolishly as if they’d find it on the beds of whoever it is they sleep with for just one damn night. I give them myself for a night and they think I’m in love with them or something.”

“But you did make love to them.”

“Sex. I had sex. It’s different somehow.”

“Really? How so?”

“I didn’t… love them. It was just—it’s hard to explain but um, making love means that you love each other enough to be one ang sex is kinda just—well, sex.”

“Have you made love?”

“No, I haven’t. I don’t have the same girl in my bed twice.”

“Then, have you had someone you loved?”

My mind flashes back to 2 years ago, back during a time I never wanted to remember.

“I guess you could say that.”

I can feel him grinning beside me which I didn’t even bother to look at. “Would you look at that, a guy like you can fall in love too.”

“A guy like me?”

“Yeah, those who fool around—wait sorry, was that too offensive?”

“It’s fine. I wouldn’t really call it love either, ‘twas totally one-sided.”

“So…what were they like?”

“Careful. Gentle, nice.” Kinda like you, Bokuto-san. “He was happy. Very happy, like you wouldn’t know what’s going on inside their head.” A lot like you.

There was a brief pause, I mean, I did tell him I wasn’t into men, he must be confused.

“Well…where is he now?”

I feel my stomach slightly twitching, like how I do about Bokuto-san, only less intense. With Bokuto-san, I don’t feel like breathing, with this, I only feel my chest getting heavy. That doesn’t make it any better though.

“He...” I breathed in and out secretly, I didn’t want him to hear my shaken voice. “He’s long gone.”

I feel him turning to me, and, even without seeing it, I know he was shocked and confused, I wasn’t specific about it, after all.

“Osamu…He’s dead.”

The night continued to pass like it used to, but it feels longer than usual somehow.

Bokuto never spoke after my confession and neither did I, for the first time since he came, the silence grew awkward.

I feel exposed. What is it I’m so worried about, anyway? Is it because I admitted liking men? Or was it because I’m having a hard time thinking about those times again?

It’s plain stupid, I shouldn’t be caring about what he thinks of me. 

“What happened to him?” I hear him mutter loud enough for me to hear.

“What?”

“After he…died, what happened?”

“How would I know, it’s not like we were actually close.”

“Then how—”

“I don’t know too. I guess I was too dense back then, I was easily fooled since I had no real experience with people.”

“And…you’re sure you fell in love with him?”

“I—yeah? I don’t know okay, stop asking.”

I know I’m being overly sensitive, but after smoking 3 cigs instead of just one already, I realized I wasn’t in the best state when talking about him.

He respected my choice by staying silent.

And here it is again.

Words are coming up from the pit of my stomach and out of my mouth. An urge was tickling inside me, it was so hard to escape it.

I can’t do anything about it and I hate it to my core.

“Osamu he--,” I was trying my hardest to stop myself but the urge inside me only got stronger,”---killed himself.”

I looked for my expected reaction on the face of his—and there it was.

Knowing Bokuto-san, I knew he would look at me like I was someone to pity.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

He quickly looked away. One thing I can be sure about this unknown man by my side is that he doesn’t like offending people and when he does, he probably wasn’t aware. He was definitely curious; he just doesn’t know if he’ll make me feel bad.

“You wanna know how he did it, don’t you?”

“Yeah. Are you okay though? --” he wasn’t looking at me, I know he’s hesitant to ask. “—talking about it?”

“I’m fine. Don’t mind me.” That much was true—it’s been long enough; I have no choice but to be okay now.

To tell the truth, it’s been completely one-sided between me and Osamu.

Back when I was still working at a flower shop, he would show up every 3:30 sharp on an always busy Monday and ordering the same 3-flower bouquet of white-roses with an extra red rose.

“He was just a customer where I grew close to when in fact I shouldn’t have.”

Yes, he would give me the extra rose.

The first time he did, I actually told him to scram, I thought I would get in trouble but he only laughed and continued to do it, without giving me a reason why.

I gradually got used to him giving me those that I started to stack them back at my place. I was embarrassed when he’d do it even with people around, so even when he gave me a total of 17 roses, I never got to thank him even once.

Some time passed and an existing urge to get closer to him shouted louder than before.

Like any other cliché story—there was something about him that always made me stare like a cat waiting to be pet. I didn’t know what it was—he was attractive, really. At times when I looked at the world and see how much of a mess it was, I see him looking calm and peaceful, like there was no one around him and nothing to be afraid of, In short, I feel unbelievable comfort with just his presence—opposite of what I feel about Bokuto-san—I could tell because even if we’ve only said ‘hellos’ and ‘goodbyes’ from the span of no more less than a minute, I looked forward to seeing him every Monday afternoon.

“We’d talk every now and then. He was just a stranger that I wanted to get closer too though I wasn’t even doing anything to show that I wanted to. “

I told Bokuto the fact that most people mistakes love for something else because, like the girls I laid in bed, I also thought that there was somehow a way for him to feel the same way as I do.

He was the first person to not get intimidated by me—the first person who I thought cared for me.

“So, you were close?”

“…I don’t know.” That was my frustrating truth. I didn’t know what his intentions were and didn’t bother asking. I was a fool to think that he’ll do that forever even without me doing anything in return.

During a very cold December afternoon on a Friday, Osamu unexpectedly came.

There were no one around the shop except me and him, he collapsed unto me, not even trying to hide his bawling eyes.

I didn’t get it. 

I didn’t get how he was crying when he always looked the happiest to me.

I didn’t get how he looked wrecked and reeks of alcohol when he was the most serene that I’ve known.

“I followed him one night—here, actually.”

“Hmm?” he sounded confused; I knew he was.

After of what seemed like a long dreadful confrontation, Osamu left without saying anything. Upon going home that same night, I spotted him, he was wearing the same clothes he did earlier whose scent was still stuck with me.

I followed him and I wished I didn’t.

“He jumped right here.”

I feel him looking at me with shock, I don’t blame him.

“And he never came back up.”

I didn’t bother to wait for his response. I knew it was rude but I can’t bear with this night any longer.

“I’ll take my leave.”

I stood up and started walking away, I know I was only being a coward but I continued like that.

I didn’t know if he had something to say, if he wanted to even talk about himself as well—but I guess we’ll do that next time.

I knew that once I left, he’d never follow me.

But I wish I hadn’t gone back so early.

I wish I put up with that suffocated night a little bit longer.

Because I had no idea.

I had no idea that that was the last night I was able to see him.

Bokuto Koutarou didn’t come back the next night.

Nor the next following night for I don’t even know how long now.

And though I always say I dreaded to see him; I’d do anything to see him even just for one brief night.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> I don't know how long my laziness will take to write the next part but there will be one...........
> 
> hopefully


End file.
